Pain

The physical pain dissolves the heartache like acid.
The blood washes me clean
Sweeps away my anger and my fear and my desolation.
But only for a time
A brief respite from this death of soul.
I am a shiny broken thing
Glittering shards of who I was
reflected in the tears.

I hate poetry, and I hate feeling this way. I love him, I need him, but it may be too late to tell him that. Why did it take us breaking up again, to r=make me realise how much I want him? Why does it take pain and hate and destruction to make me realise just what he means to me?
I must be fucking stupid.

demons in my head

We nearly broke up. I don't know why we didn't, except that I still love him, and I think I need him. Everything is so fucking confusing. Guess we'll have to see how it works out.

tales from the work place

The boss was ok today, only a bit of inappropriate banter. I dunno, the more I think about it, the more tempted I am just to be a corporate whore and let him cop a feel. It keeps him happy and happy boss is nice boss to work for. The more I think about it, the more I think that this is what happened with the other bitch. I think he's done to her what he's doing to me, just talked about it, and she's listened and the pound signs have lit up in her mind and she's thought, yeah let him have a feel then report him for sexual harrassment, but then it backfired cos she was a trouble making bitch that tried it with a few others. I think thats what happened. If it had happened to me, I wouldn't be trying it again, but then I'm not a guy having a midlife crisis lol.

bossman

Ok, things got a bit hairy in work. The boss is being pushy and keeps trying it on. It's making me uncomfortable to say the least, it's got to the point where I don't want to be left alone with him. It's his day off tomorrow, but I am going to have to be firm and lay down the law...tell him how it's making me feel, and tell him not to be too familiar in future...all that without damaging the working relationship we've got going. :::sigh::: Fuck, hope I get another job soon.

Wierdness

So the boss tried it on with me. Its very odd and like a dream or hallucination, and I kinda liked it, even tho nothing happened, but still, he tried it on. Was a very round about, circumspect, touching and kinda sweet in way, like he was a lad trying to find out if I was interested. Oh and I told him I was bi sexual. That caused a few awkward questions lol. This is one day I'm not going to forget in a hurry, and one that will probably never repeat.

Dreams

I dreamed last night, one I can remember, I don't often do that. Think the problems with him are making me creative. It was a vivid dream, about sex. Sex with my gorgeous girl. I made her cum, and I soo want to do that in real life. Trouble is it makes me feel unfaithful, which I have never done, apart from a minor kissing incident when I was absolutely out my skull, that doesn't count. I can't and won't do anything while I'm with him. Makes me wonder if I really want to be with him...

arsehole

I wish he'd just tell me. I hate waiting around for him to decide whether I'm worth keeping or not. He's fucking going to dump me, I know it. Maybe I should get in there first...fuck with his head instead of him fucking with mine.
Thing is I should be upset, but I can't make my mind up if I am or not. If he fucked me off, I'd be free to persue my other sexual side. I need to go out and meet girls.