hatred

I wish I could hate him, but I can't. If I hated him it would be so much easier, breaking off and starting again, finding something that I feel is good and right and fresh. But I love him, and loving him makes it so hard to hurt him, I'd rather cry myself to sleep for a million years than make him hate me by hurting him the way I know I'm going to have to. But not yet. Now is not a good time for either of us. Maybe when the troubles have passed us by and things are better again I will find the love I seem to have lost for the moment. Then perhaps I won't, but when things are better we will both be able to deal with this better.